Aside

Although a lot …

25 Mar

Although a lot of the course materials have been interesting and thought-provoking, I have to say that the one that was the most resonating was the first assignment we were given, the “My Image and Myself.” I loved this assignment because it really brought to light a lot of truths about myself that I don’t usually acknowledge. Primarily the whole idea of a persona; that I create for myself this “Image” that is completely different than the real me, so that the fear of being rejected by people is lessened. I wrote about my different personas throughout the years; how I’ve constantly molded myself and my behaviors to fit the people around me so that I could be well-liked, even if it wasn’t for who I really am. In asking myself all this questions it became pretty obvious to me that I don’t really have a good grasp on who that is. I am constantly changing how I am around people and I have been doing it for so long that I feel just like a, to quote a dear friend who knows me better than anyone, “a culmination of everyone else’s interests.” I can be whatever a person wants me to be in order to make sure I’m liked. But why has this become who I am? Why am I unable to ask myself, in the privacy of the deepest crevices in my mind, who I actually am underneath of all of what I pretend to be? This assignment really unearthed a lot of hidden tensions and issues that I have ignored over the years that I’ve spent trying to be everything for everyone. I am a complete product of the media (in terms of what I think is beautiful, what I like and dislike, so on) and it really sickens me that I have lost such control of my own person. “My Image” has taken the place of who I actually am and now I have no idea who that person is. Professor Ewen’s book is also really interesting to read because I agree with everything he says about style, the media, how we see and how we act, etc. The HUGE influence the media has on us, I mean. It creates for you an “Image” and then your peers demand you to uphold it. There’s no room for self-discovery or self-identification once you’re pulled into it, unless you are really, really brave. I’m working on it, though!

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