hair style

19 Mar

Since I was 19, I’ve been shaving my head. I did it for the first time a few months after I realized that I was starting to go bald. I figured it was only a matter of time before the small smooth patch on the back of my head consumed the entire thing, so I might as well get a sneak peek. It was kind of novel at first, and I felt it looked striking. I felt that it accentuated my bone structure and jaw line, and my eyes seemed brighter and more pronounced. There was something edgy about the look. Unsafe.
The excitement of looking different soon wore off, though. Even if it kind of looked interesting, and I had ‘a good head shape’ as people told me, it wasn’t how I wanted to look. The men I was attracted to or wanted to look like all had hair. Either nerdy boys with a retro smooth combed style, or the McDreamy head of curls, or the hipster just-got-out-of-bed-but-really-I-spent-two-hours-doing-this look, looking good meant having hair to work with. I felt that my bald head was something for people to stare at, that I could never cover it up. I felt naked.
Over time, I got more used to it. I accepted that it was something I couldn’t change. I tried not to let it get to me I head jokes about bald men, but I remember the deep burn I felt when I watched an episode of Seinfeld where Elaine dumps a guy because she realized that he was going bald and not just shaving his head for swimming.
I still was meeting men, and sometimes they would take note of my head. ‘How long have you been shaving your head?’ I felt like they were noticing a hideous birthmark, which they couldn’t resist asking about. I’d usually make some self deprecating joke like, ‘A long time. I’m the only person I know who had to deal with acne and a receding hairline at the same time.’ We would laugh, and I usually wouldn’t see the guy again. Overtime, I eased on the humorous responses. I’d even say that I liked how it looked on me.
Over time, as I stopped caring if people noticed or not, I stopped wearing hats in public as much. I shaved my head even closer, and didn’t really pay much notice to it myself. Amazingly, I started to hear things I never heard before. People would tell me that they found shaved heads sexy, or how I was lucky to have a face that could pull the look off. ‘I’d look like a cancer patient!’ was a tasteless joke that people would make a lot, but that secretly made me smile.
I realized that what people found attractive more than anything was confidence. Even if I didn’t like being bald, I knew with certainty that other people did. And although I could not have the haircuts of the boys that I crushed on, I could still get dates with some of them. Simply, I had a look that was different and that some people liked.
Style is subjective, and fashion setters aren’t defined by fitting in with everyone else. They make choices that other people wouldn’t consider, and accept the fact that some people won’t like how they look. They simply rock their look and one day someone might say, ‘Hey, that looks really good,’ and tries it for himself. That was something I could do with a bald head.

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One Response to “hair style”

  1. allisonw1986 March 19, 2012 at 3:41 am #

    Embrace it because it really does look good on you! 🙂

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